i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
