I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
zippers are such a cool invention
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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