That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
