I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
