did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There r osticjed everywhere
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
