Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
