So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
