I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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