do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
