i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
