dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
