Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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