girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
