Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
