it hurts more in the daytime
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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