Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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