youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
