Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i think i have two assholes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
