Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the condom got lost in my hair
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
