I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
