im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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