I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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