i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
