either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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