I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
