I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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