When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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