i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
