I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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