She is in my trunk
i just wanna soil my oats bro
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
