Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
