Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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