It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
