that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
