I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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