So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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