I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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