My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
