Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
