if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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