last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
