He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
