Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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