I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
