The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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