OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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