We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
