There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
did you just send me my own nude
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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