The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
