dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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