wat bout pragnant strippers??
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
